Stress Factors by Personality

While the causes of conflict can vary, certain factors can aggravate the severity and destructiveness of conflict in our families.

Since the focus of this blog is on personality and how it affects parents and children, I am going to focus on the factors that seem to fit each personality.

Charged vs. discharged.

We have a limited supply of energy in reserve that we use to function properly each day. Stress reduces the available energy and once it has reached a low or even depleted state we become irritable, obstinate, and the chance for conflict increases.

While certain things such as deaths, lay-offs, bad report card are easy to recognize as stressors, others are not as easily seen. I am going to give you stressors (dischargers) and chargers that can guide you in recharging yourself and each family member. If you make an effort to use this information to keep yourself and your family in a charged state you will reduce those conflicts that stem from this preventable problem.




These chargers are examples to help identify what is needed, however personal preferences should govern. While I list sports, running, martial arts, and dancing for the Ds, your D child might love riding his bike or she might prefer shooting hoops. The important factor is that the pace and focus of the activity is in line with their pace and focus.

Chargers

D ? Physical Exercise ? Competitive sports, running, martial arts, dancing, etc..
They are fast-paced and task focused.

I ? People Interaction ? Needs to talk, play, party, room full of people.
They are fast-paced and people focused.

S ? Nothing Time ? Fishing, reading, watching TV, chatting with a friend, napping..
Slow paced and people focused.

C ? Private Time ? Reading a book, working on project, day at bookstore,
Slow paced and task focused.

Dischargers

D ? Situations that require them to slow down or interact with people in social setting.

I ? Situations that require them to slow down or focus on tasks, especially if it is a task required attention to detail.

S ? Situations that require them to speed up or focus on tasks, especially if it?s a task requiring a quick decision or fast completion.

C ? Situations that require them to speed up or interact with people. It is a greater stress if the must speak in front of the group such as reading a book report.

How do I know if my child or I is discharged?

D ? Becomes loud, demanding, hyperactive
I ? Becomes loud, demanding, hyperactive
S ? Turns quiet and withdraws emotionally
C Grows picky and whiny ? focuses on something that bothers them and won?t let go.

I normally include examples from my family as we discuss these in seminars and classes, however for ease of reading I have chosen to save those for last.

I am primarily an I but D is also considered high in my profile. When I was taking Tae Kwon Do, it was a great recharger for me. I was able to interact with instructors and fellow students (I) and it was fast paced (I,D). Teaching classes, seminars, and home groups are meeting my need for people interaction at this time.

Walker, my oldest, is also and I with D and skateboarding (ID), especially jumping ramps(D) and he does it with his friends.(I)

Matthew, my middle child, is an S and C. He does his homework immediately after school (C) because it is private and he can do it at his pace. School discharges him because of all of the people interaction and the sometimes-fast paced assignments he has to do. Previously he did not have homework so he would take a nap everyday after school to recharge. I would like to say I knew he needed these things, but in reality he choose them and I was lucky enough to realize why he choose to do them. Otherwise, I would have thought something was wrong with him for taking a nap, or not going outside as soon as he got home. I would have added to his stress by making him be more like his brother.